What if I breathed my last breath today?
Would there be any significant change in the world or in life for those who know me or love me?
Would it be relief or sadness or a combination of both?
Would anyone really care that my life had finally reached a conclusion?
I am sure Chooey will wonder what to do without me. I am sure my passing will be hurtful to him. Yet I am equally certain he will survive and continue to climb the mountains of life with his new home with Kev, Hailey and Fry.
For my Mother, it will be relief. Her obligation to love and support her oldest child who has languished in illness for more than a decade will be over. The disappointment of a man who failed at everything will become just a memory that will fade with time.
For my Father, it will hit hard, having grown closer these last few months. He will display sadness that his oldest child has passed on. He will be relieved to no longer have to admit that such a poor excuse for a man was his son.
For my brothers and sister, they can breathe a sigh of relief. They no longer have the emabarassment of the weird sibling.
This brings me to my two sons.
The oldest son pretty much won’t notice. He will no longer have to pretend he has a father out there.
For my youngest son there will be feelings of grief, but at the same time relief. My youngest son will no longer have to hide because he can’t bear to watch his father joust at windmills and lose all the time.
My granddaughters will not even know. In years they may be told they had a Grandpa and that’s about it.
For both the daughers-in-law, they will no longer have to be polite to the Old Man.
At my funeral, I am sure people will be there, but not to grieve, but celebrate.
I am sure my Mother and Father will be there, more out of obligation than anything. One of my brothers and my sister may or may not show up. I can’t blame them after all I have only been an embarrassment to them.
I am not sure if the daughters-in-law will allow my sons to attend. My youngest son with his sensitivity may find it impossible to deal and just stay in Texas. My oldest son may not come because of the hardship and difficulty in taking time off from work if his wife allows.
The two mothers of my sons may very well be there. Not out of grief or respect, but to make sure I’m really dead. I am sure they both would love the opportunity to dance on my grave.
There will be no other impact on the world.
No one will notice.
No one will care.
I have left no footprint behind. History will point to me as the type of life that should have never been and use me as an example for genetic selection. Genetic selection is to determine which child to keep and which to end prior to birth. A child with my genetic makeup will find its way into the waste bin.
Yes, what if I breathed my last breath today?
That’s the way it is in Mark’s Den.
And how is your Tuesday going?