Inside My Mind

Gray skies, spring showers and gusting winds dominate the cornfields and coal mines this Sunday morning as the last week of April arrives. The grayness outside mirrors the gloominess that continues to pervade the Den.

A couple of weeks ago Iohn lost his job. He has been trying every day since to find another one. He has applications in from Linton to Dugger to Sullivan to Shelburn to Terre Haute. In this economy, jobs are nearly impossible to find. Positions are filled even before word of an opening is known.

With everything else that has happened since March roared in with the devastation of a lion, this has just added insult to horror. I have tried to maintain my sanity, my equilibrium...yet I feel it all slipping away. Not sure if much longer I will be able to retain the grips, hold on to control.

Did pick up a new client this week for Ivy Web Host and Ivy Site Design. The latest client hails from Lebanon, Virginia. He is one of the newest cellular dealers offering unlimited talk and text at a rate that is a sure sale. Welcome aboard Appalachian Wireless.

Sinking, edging ever closer to the realm of madness. The cataclysmic revolutions attacking my brain are squeezing the life from me. The pain at times so severe and yet, I some how hide the full effects of the onslaught even from Iohn. Frankie and Tigger seem to know that all is not right with their "Daddy". Both try to stay as close and on my lap constantly.

I have attempted to relay the overwhelming darkness to my family, friends, but none seem to grasp the sheer magnitude of it. When or if, I no longer can sustain perhaps at last they will know what I've been trying to say, my cries for help were not just the shepherd screaming wolf for fun.

For now, I struggle. I grasp for fleeting straws. I fall. I fail. I attempt to rise.