Inside My Mind

Something has to give. And...it has to give within the next two weeks. We can't keep on the way things are. Every day produces yet another set back.

Yesterday, Iohn learned that the regional manager for Pizza Hut was not happy that he had been hired. Not because of his job performance, not because of his ability, but rather because as a 13, 14, 15 year old kid, he had the immaturity to not know the impact that tattoos could have on job prospects. The lack of parental advice and supervision resulted in his folly of becoming tattooed up and down his arms. The regional manager wants Iohn gone because of the tattoos, which according to him offend his religious sensibilities. The fact that Iohn is performing his job and better than most of his co-workers who have been there for some time is of no consequence to this RM. This RM is determined to find a reason to have Iohn terminated.

Not to mention our financial straits, we may be forced to relocate unless a miracle happens in the next two weeks. The trip to Texas for Kev's wedding is going to run around $500. Short of a miracle, the only way I see for us to make the wedding at this point is to move to southeast Texas ourselves at the start of July when we have the money to do so. This seems even more the most likely option given Iohn's tenuous relationship with Pizza Hut.

Mentally and emotionally I am already at the point of slipping into complete insanity. My headaches are increasing in severity. I am sure this is from the worry and the stress. Business has slowed to no new growth. Not even maintaining all the current client base. Not that it is much income, a dollar or two per customer if I'm lucky. On some customers I'm going in the hole and are costing me instead.

My Mom may have stated in best earlier this week when she noted that my ideas may be good, but I don't have the means to carry through...so my only ability is to accept that I am a disabled individual who needs to forget trying to be self-reliant and vegetate in the Den. You have to have money to make money. Being on SSD does not provide for basic needs let alone for getting a business operation off the ground. And yet, I don't qualify for any assistance. I am told I make too much money on SSD for help. Doesn't matter my meager income is below the poverty level. Doesn't matter that I worked for over 30 years and became sick. Doesn't matter that I am trying to stand on my own. I make too much money on SSD. So what if it is not enough for food, rent, gasoline. It's my own fault for doing right for 30 years, working, paying into the system. So now, I make too much money.

I am still waiting and hoping for that one bee, wasp, hornet, yellow jacket to find me. That's the only out that will actually provide what is needed.

So this Sunday morning in June I have been but one question. Where is my miracle?