Inside My Mind

This early November morn I am more distressed, confused, perplexed and frustrated than usual. In some aspects, life could not be running more smoothly. Yet...there is that gnawing, that nagging, that phobic mindset that wonders if there is something amiss.

My clusters continue to act up with the intensity which has earned the nickname of "suicide headaches". Anything including death would be more desirable than the constant agony of a brain writhing in pain.

Today should be the day I receive the information and the ability to activate wireless/cellular accounts for $39.95. This should prove to be a business success story in the cornfield.

The frost may be on the pumpkin as one of our most famous Hoosier poets, James Whitcomb Riley, once penned...but fall in Indiana also can be both a time of autumn romp and the gray of impending winter's icebox. The chill provides perfect reason to snuggle, to cuddle, for romance to bloom. It also often increases the doldrums, the blues, the malaise which leads to an increase in depression and want to withdraw from society.

My first cup of coffee on this morning is becoming cold. Time to warm the java is at hand. Time to push myself to move on, ignore the pain, push aside the doubts, the insecurity. Focus....

Seems all my life I have been cursed with a penchant for dry humor. Humor that is quite often not understood or misinterpreted. The humor is many times lost and comes across as sharp, cutting, abrasive. Other styles of joking come out lame, pretentious and out-right humorless when told or attempted by me.

I have been attempting lately to be more social, less introverted, less scared to mingle, be a part. Unfortunately I have been noticing the looks, the scowls, the overt disdain when I say or do what I find to be marred in humor in my efforts to fit in in world in which I don't fit.

From where I sit this morning in the den on a rather chilly morning in the cornfield, it appears my best option is to return to my hole. Keep my mouth shut except to say that which is necessary and responsive, but not conversation starter attempts. My insecurity and fears seem more and more justified as I have ventured into the social scene.

Questions rain down on my brain like a meteor shower plummeting to Earth. Am I, without trying, keeping Iohn from a full life? Is my presence placing limitations on his potential? Yes, I did not pursue him. I was not the one to make the moves or overtures. Yes, Iohn was the one that "chased" me. Iohn is the one who attached his cart to my horse, but am I being unfair by not opening the door and pushing him out into the world?

The sledge hammer cracking against my cerebral cortex is impossible to ignore today. The intensity of the pain is making it difficult to concentrate, difficult to be alive today.

Go on I must...but...the pain...

My new $39.95 cellular plan should be available some time this week. Keeping fingers crossed that this is the boon I need. The plan provides unlimited minutes and text. It also includes 20 MB of data for surfing the web and checking email. Picture text is not included.

Actually the title is a little off. The new plan from Ivy Cellular is $39.95 per month for unlimited minutes and unlimited text. There is also 20 MB of data included for surfing the web or checking email.

Today we go to the license bureau to get the Escort tagged and registered. We still have work to do on it, but Iohn is still excited about having his own car.

Iohn's birthday Monday was celebrated at the American Legion in Sullivan. As you can tell from the PICTURES, Iohn really enjoyed himself. Continuing with his celebration last night at Legion bingo, Iohn won $50 and later $100 on pull tabs. Yep, Iohn has had a good birthday week.

The big news of course is the much cheaper nationwide availability of our new $39.95 unlimted wireless plan. I'll be adding more information as the day and weekend goes on.

Time to get busy. Need to run to Linton. Iohn works tonight and I'm running Legion karaoke from 8 to 11 p.m.

Twenty-three years ago today, Iohn Solomon Beasley came into this world. Whether that will be a good or bad date in history remains to be seen...but for now it was a very good day. Yep, today is Iohn's birthday. Happy Birthday, Iohn!

Iohn has the day off (vacation time) to celebrate. Mom is baking him a cake which we will share at the Legion tonight. Tonight is also karaoke.

In the process of expanding Ivy Cellular. Later this week there will be more plans to choose. There will also be a greater variety of rates. Like it or not Ivy Web Services will be getting a sales tax collection license. Up until now there has been no need. The wholesalers for the cellular require some type of licensing. The state doesn't offer or have a "business license", which these out-of-state wholesale companies do not understand.

But the real news of the day is that Iohn is 23. Again, Happy Birthday, Iohn!!!

Changing climate can cause and has caused varied ill feelings, ague and sundry other ailments in the cornfield and more specially in the Den in the past few weeks. This malaise and illness has resulted in a near silent retort and updating on the goings on in the Den and the cornfield.

We have managed to obtain another vehicle. That vehicle, however, remains parked. It has various issues and concerns which prevent road worthiness at this point.

Pressing through my ailments, I continue to do karaoke and work bingo at the Legion. In fact tonight, I'll be operating the equipment for crooners or want-to-be crooners from 9:30 to 11 p.m.

Iohn turns 23 on Monday. He has the day off to celebrate.

Plans are in the works and action began to expand the offerings of Ivy Cellular. Currently only two plans are available. Plans with limited any-time minutes should be added in the next week. Rates will be less, but of course service will be less.

For now...my head is caught in a vice grip...so I'll sign off...