Inside My Mind

At last this month filled with disasters, pitfalls, traps and snares is coming to an end. Hope is rising again with April on the horizon. The hope that the showers of the coming month will wash away the debris of the past month.

In our part of the cornfield it is hard to beat what we have to offer in the way of cellular services and cell phones. To have unlimited talk and text at $40 per month is much needed cost trimming in these times of economic belt tightening. For more information about our service (available nationwide) visit:

Ivy Cellular


I am happy to report that by the weekend we should once more have not just WiFi, but also DSL internet access available. Our provisioner pulled the rug out earlier this month. Negotiations have been underway to once more provide DSL. Keep checking back at:

Ivy ISP


Don't forget for affordable quality web hosting and site design, it is hard to find better than:

Ivy Web Host


and


Ivy Site Design

Now here's a wish that tomorrow will not turn me into a fool.

You would think with everything that March has thrown my way, nothing else could happen. You would think I could ease out of the month with little of the fabled winds. Wrong!

I should have known better. I should have listened to my inner voice. I kept saying this time would be different. I kept saying things had changed. Again, wrong!

The annual karaoke contest was last night. As I predicted, I was shut out and shut down. Not only were at least half of the final 10 inferior vocally, but had little to zero stage presence. It seems that if you happened to be someone like me, you were automatically dismissed and points counted against you for just being you.

I have suffered my last public humiliation and repudiation. I need to learn I am not only who I am, but disabled and with no business trying to function in the world outside. I need to accept who I am, my disability and accept I need to stay in my Den and vegetate. I am unacceptable to the outside world...unless I can be used and exploited.

I get it. And as Tricky Dick once said to paraphrase, you won't have me to kick around any more. I will stay in my Den and be what I am.

The fabled lamb of March seems to have at least made an appearance. After the lion ravaged through most of the month, the lamb (in spite of the weather) has decided to make the lion turn tail and run.

Here in the Den, the sight of the lamb is a much welcome relief. Now as April fast approaches the hope is that the gentle showers that bring the flowers of May will not become torrents washing away the rich loam needed o provide sustenance to those blossoms of Spring.

The ravages of the last month have not made dealing with my clusters an easy task. I have gone from the extreme of excruciating pain to the numbness of total depression. The few ups with the multiple downs that have beset this month have had its toll.

Even as sit here early on this last Saturday in March, I attempt to focus, to remain in perspective. But got to tell you, it ain't easy. At times it has been nearly impossible.

Let us hope and pray that April will indeed be a month of rebirth and resurgence.

March continues to have its shares of rough waters. At times the waves seem to be almost catastrophic. There are moments of calm, but the lion that roared in on the first marches on devouring whatever comes in its way.

With all that has been happening over the last month, my brittle psyche is on the verge of snapping. Not sure how much longer I will be able to hold tight to my sanity. The grip is becoming looser with each passing day.

Unceremoniously, our DSL provisioner dropped service earlier this month. Suddenly both we and our customers had to scramble to find internet access. This affected and continues to affect our WiFi offering in Dugger as well. Our radius server has yet to be updated.

Yes, I know it takes money to make money. But how long must one keep spending before a return is seen? If a real return doesn't begin soon, the bleeding will the Den a lifeless entity in the cornfield.

Squinting to try and see any light. Searching to find the silver lining on black clouds releasing torrents.

March cannot be over soon enough. Let us hope the rain of April does indeed bring flowers of hope and prosperity in May.

The surprises just keep rounding the corner.

Yesterday morning, the Den was shaken as it was learned that our DSL provisioner was cutting services effective immediately. I had to scramble to minimize the effect on Mom and Bill. But this morning their internet access is gone. WiFi is still in place in the cornfield, but DSL at this time is gone.

I keep trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I keep trying to find the silver lining.

Dad seems to be recuperating after giving us all a scare over the last couple of weeks. The doctors seem confident the various heart procedures went well.

Ivy Cellular has moved from being a sideline of Ivy Web Services into the main business. While I do still get computer work and calls about web design and hosting, cell phones and cell service is number one. Now with our DSL gone, internet access is limited to those within range of our WiFi antenna.

Yes, the March lion continues to ravish its way toward April.